What is one piece of advice you often share with parties entering mediation?

Be patient.  People in general, especially in a conflict situation, believe that their side is always right. Only with having patience to listen and actually hear the other side’s viewpoint can one begin to see a way through a conflict. Patience is also necessary to persevere through the back and forth that is required in negotiations.

How do you approach building trust with the parties during mediation?

I try to explain the process fully so that the parties know exactly what to expect. This, usually, reduces the parties’ level of anxiety. I also try to find some commonality with each party, whether it’s a personal or a professional similarity. Given my long professional and personal experiences, I’m always able to find something that we have in common.  I also make sure I’m honest with them. Honesty is the bedrock of trust.

Can you share a lesson you’ve learned from your years of mediating disputes?

Mediations are about compromise. If one party comes into mediation fully married to his/her position, it’s unlikely they would feel the need for compromise. A mediation is not about determining who is right and who is wrong. It’s about finding a solution to a problem. So, the lesson I’ve learned is to remind people of this issue: being stuck on your position doesn’t solve the problem.

How do you stay calm and objective during challenging cases?

On a personal level, I try to use the time in between the separate rooms to reflect and catch my breath. I also try to use breaks in the process strategically, to give the parties a chance to recalibrate and to refresh. On a procedural level, I make sure each party knows I’ve heard their position, and then I make sure they have heard the other party’s position.